"It ain't supposed to make sense; it's faith. Faith is something that you believe that nobody in his right mind would believe" - A. Bunker
Antediluvian rants on Archie Bunker's favourite baseball team combined with precognitive, precision surgeries on the underbelly of Mets faith.
Ok, so much for the myth that the Phillies suck at home. They just hadn't played the Mets yet.
When my MLBTV phizzed out for the ten millionth time already this season in the second inning with the Mets already down by an insurmountable 1-0 margin, I decided, c'est tout pour moi maintenant.
So, for the next fortnight, au revoir les Mets, au revoir MLBTV, two of the season's biggest disappointments before the All-Star break.
I'm off to Paris yet again to scout new talent for the Mets. Hopefully they will find some of their own in the interim but this team, as it is currently, is unwatchable, just like MLBTV.
"Well, you know Ollie," manager Jerry Manuel said. "Ollie is not a command guy, so to speak. He is a guy that has control, but not necessarily command."
We interrupt a second consecutive humiliating loss to the Phillies to bring you the exciting news that one loser (Tim Redding) is going to be replaced in the starting rotation by one of the more epic losers in recent Mets history, the Jorge Julio of Mets starters, none other than Oliver Perez.
Go ahead and laugh. Laugh out loud. Slap your knee, roll on the floor, hold your side, let your teeth fall out you laugh so hard.
And on 4th of July, the Mets caused more anguish and emotional upset. Not more than ever before, my god, those days have long passed; this is a terminal patient you're now just waiting would die already so you can get on with your life, these Mets.
Yesterday, another defensive debauchery perfectly emblematic of why this team, injuries or not, is going nowhere fast.
You could make the argument, if say, you were the manager and you had no other explanation to save your job, point out that these guys, most of them, are playing out of position because of all the injuries.
But you'd be lying because we aren't talking about being a superstar, we're talking about catching simply fucking pop ups. And since we're being truthful, how was David Wright playing out of position?
The season has again turned another surreal corner, one of many to follow until, as you will certainly see, interest wanes and people simply stop paying attention to the Mets.
And by then of course, the relief will be only in the absence of that pain, no longer having to watch this pathetic collective.
You know, at one point, I dunno, when it was 7-0 or so, I thought fuck, maybe they can lose by more than they lost to the Yankees. I mean why not, it's our second biggest rival, right?
You know what's best about getting crushed by your arch rivals? You don't have to watch two games at once to calculate out how far behind you've fallen in the standings.
Did you see how the Mets failed to cover 2nd base allowing Jimmy Rollins of all people, get there untouched in the 3rd inning after he'd driven those runs home? Sound fundamental baseball those Mets play for us. Fernando Tatis, second baseman, wandering out there like he was lost in the desert.
Perhaps we won't even talk about the 8th, dropped balls, ignored balls, what's the difference? The Mets already knew they were going to lose by then.
Livan did a spot-on imitation of Tim Redding last night.
As for the ugliness of the game itself, wow Livan. Seven runs, 10 hits and four walks in a little more than three innings out there. (I was going to say, a little more than three innings of work out there but is pitching batting practice really considered work?)
Yeah, go out there and get them tomorrow, lads.
Right.
Mets Killah? Why, who isn't?
Didn't you just KNOW before this game not only that the Phillies would turn around their incredibly shitty home record against the Mets but that Rollins, who has hit so poorly this season you'd think he was auditioning for a slot in the Mets batting order, was surely going to find his stride against the Mets as well? Sure enough, the Mets cured him with two hits and two RBIs.
David Wright, on the other hand, 0 for 4, two strikeouts.
And Rodrigo Lopez, a guy getting his first start in the Majors this season turns into Cy Young.
All you can really do is keep the puke bucket close to your telly and wait for the misery to end.
Try as they might, the Mets simply couldn't give this game away but perhaps that's what happens when you meet your Triple AAA match in a Major League game.
Capps could certainly dunk on Tatis, if it ever came up...
Tim Redding, the post-modern Ollie Perez, was absolute rubbish yesterday, an embarrassment to all pitchers, worldwide, lasting only one out into the third inning before giving way to the likes of Nowhereman Misch after nearly blowing the game early, 5 earned runs, 6 hits, two walks and a hit batsman as the Mets fell behind by what in most Met games is an insurmountable 5-0 margin.
It's raining Met victories all the sudden, two in a row...
I don't know about the rest of you but it was about then I was torn between vomiting in disgust and finishing construction of my Tim Redding Urinal Cakes.
But lo and behold, these Pirates, they are determined to stink worse than the Mets and even against a marginal lineup with a semi-pro batting order feel to it, their pitching managed to surrender that lead over the course of the 4th and 5th innings, punctuated in a way, by Murph's improbable pinch hit, two-run double to raise his batting average ALL the way up to .245. Simply dizzying. By the 7th, the Mets were actually WINNING by 3 runs.
Of course, not to be outdone, after three impressive shut out innings of relief, Pedro Feliciano managed to give one of those runs back before Sean Green of all people turned off the faucets to lead the red carpet glory way to Frankie Boy.
Now Frankie Boy, to be fair, hasn't had much to do lately. Over the last 9 days he's seen action only 3 times and if there's any closer who needs work and lots of it to stay warm, it's Frankie Boy. Still, blowing a two-run lead to the Pittsburgh Pirates in the 9th borders on criminal negligence and for the second time in one game, it felt near certain that the Mets were going to lose yet again.
But the incompetence of the Pirates came to the rescue again, as Matt Capps retired the first two Mets (oh, a strikeout by David Wright when it matters - shocking) before mysteriously hitting the Human Bullseye, Fernando Tatis who was then allowed to steal second so Ryan Church could drive in the winning run.
The anti-Wright, drives the winner home...
That's 10 hits in his last 18 at bats for Mr Church who could show David Wright a thing or two about hitting in the clutch.
And then Frankie Boy, out to redeem himself, set them down 1-2-3 in the 10th, 48 pitches later, the victory, by default to the Mets.
*****
In anticipation of nightmares in Philly, here is the Mets All-Nightmare Team. My only quibble is that Rey Ordonez didn't make it as starting shortstop.
And of course, not to be missed: The Metsterpiece Theatre, best show on earth:
Surely the Mets couldn't lose every game they played the rest of the season. Not even with that pathetic lineup they roll out every night.
The New Mets Beefcake
And with Big Pelf pitching like he never had before, all the of the sudden the Brewers were beatable.
The big play came in the 7th when Prince Fielder, in his Manny Ramirez baggy, oversized clown uniform ran himself out of the inning - it was almost certain after he was balked over by Pelf that Pelf would immediately see his composure meltdown but a brainy play by David Wright to allow a sure sacrifice bunt roll foul, followed by the pick off of Fielder was a rare moment of Mets competence. Savour it, you might not see such action again for a long while.
Wright, by the way, three exceptionally pathetic flailing strikeouts (two with a man in scoring position) and a weak grounder to go along with another one of his patented "Oh I'll just throw it somewhere in the vicinity of first base but not actually TO first base" throwing errors he's so fond of didn't quite merit Man of the Match honours but let's face it, allowing that bunt to roll foul was the one of the smartest plays he's made all season.
Pelf of course, after pitching by far his best game of the season, left the game after 107 pitches and runners on first and second with two out for the dubious Sidewinder Sean.
Much like the 4th inning, when the Brewers had two men on and none out, you could sense the game, in typical Mets fashion would get away from them. You might have wondered why Jerry didn't have Frankie Boy up and ready to go to get the last four outs. But in the end, there was no need to second guess. Sidewinder Sean prevailed. Now you KNOW this wasn't a normal day.
And after all that, Frankie Boy earned his 21st save of the season and the Mets had a nice and neat little 1-0 victory to take with them for their inevitable beating in Pittsburgh tomorrow.
So after five straight days of hair-pulling hell, the Mets finally get a result. Let's hope we don't have to wait until after leaving Philly to see another.
Let's see, Mets ace Johan Santana against uh, Mike Burns, a guy who had NEVER won a game in the Major Leagues. You're not going to get a much more one-sided pitching match up than that. And to make matters look even more like a laughter, David Wright hit a two-run homer in the first to give Santana all the cushion he'd need.
Yes, Johan. Sadly, it's STILL the Mets you are pitching for...
And yet even still, it wasn't enough for the Mets. Not even close.
You could blame all sorts of people, if you could work your way far enough out of the apathetic malaise to bring yourself to care any more.
Martinez's swan dive in the 4th was almost worth the price of the ticket alone.
Not content with making an out every time he comes to the plate, Fernando Martinez performed a little Daniel Murphy-rodeo clown skit in center field in the 4th inning, falling over his own feet, face-first and letting an easy fly ball land safely over his head.
The fourth inning was filled with comedy, in fact.
After the Martinez debacle, the ever-incompetent Jim Wolf continued to baffle with his absurdist strike zone which saw Santana walk his second batter of the inning before Dan Warthen came out to argue balls and strikes and get tossed from the game on the premise of visiting Santana.
And THEN, as if the inning itself wasn't already maddening enough, Ryan Braun smacked a double over Gary Sheffield's head in left, the relay throw to home skipped past Omir into Santana's waiting glove (who had smartly backed up home plate) but then threw the ball past over Wright's head at third trying to throw out Braun gunning a triple and before you knew it, the 2-1 lead had evaporated into a 5-2 deficit.
The Mets don't just lose games, they fart them up until the smell becomes so unbearable everyone bearing witness is left gagging and puking.
That's where we are today; Mets fans leaving in droves, puking and gagging listening to the sweet sounds of silence from Omar Minaya's office. And I don't care what few prospects the Mets have left or who doesn't want to spend more money, sitting on your hands whilst the Mets season is decimated is simple negligence. If the front office doesn't care any more, what makes any one in their right mind think Mets fans will either?
And if conceding game after game wasn't enough, Jerry says on Wednesday he's going to rest Wright and Sheff, the only two Major Leaguers left in the batting order, in order to field a team against the Brewers that would struggle against a High School team.
"We're a below-average team, period. That's all you can say,"
Jerry Manuel reflecting on the team he manages.
Well, well. The cat is finally out of the bag.
The dream stops here.
All it took was a guy who'd been released by the Houston Astros, a guy whom the Mets had a suddenly started to rely upon as their 2nd best starter, coming apart at the seams against the suddenly first place Milwaukee Brewers.
That and 19 hits surrendered. 11 by Nieve alone in less than four innings pitched.
That and the three game sweep by the Yankees.
That and the decimation of the batting order.
That and dropping to third in the NL East.
But let's be fair, the Mets milked as much out of Nieve as was probably possible. Three good starts. Against the Yankees, Rays and Cardinals in order. Next up? Whew, look out on the horizon and there's the Titanic, looking for icebergs; Oliver Perez.
I like that Omar is "trying" to look for a deal. I mean, why should he actually make a deal? What, and spoil all this great malaise and depression?
Ole, Fernando!
Well, little point in belabouring the obvious.
Mets play, Mets lose. But c'mon, batting Argenis Reyes in the lead off spot you kind of had to figure this was grasping at straws at its finest. Argenis Reyes shouldn't even be batting lead off for the Brooklyn Cyclones, let alone in the Major Leagues.
But what's the point? This is what's left to work with.
You'd think automatically that in most seasons, getting swept by your cross town rivals including a finale on national television and at the hands of Mariano Riveramaking history,you'd have hit the low point of the season.
Does it even count as a MLB statistic considering it came against the Mets?
Oh yeah, and before I forget, letting a guy like Chien-Ming Wang, a starter so bad he seems almost tailor-made for a Mets uniform, earn his first win of the season after getting absolutely shelled in every start he'd made prior to this all season.
But when you're fielding a pathetic lineup involving a batting order oozing with mediocrity and inexperience due to injury, when you've already lost to these Yankees by a ridiculous 15-0 margin, the bar for humiliation has already been set pretty high.
You almost want to see these Mets put down, just to put them out of their misery.
It's like watching a half-team take on a full team, amateurs against professionals and whilst for awhile you can watch the valiant effort made, applaud the way these nobodies, has-beens and wanna-bes gamely struggle on, after awhile, the mind screams for a mercy killing.
Last night gave us the rare opp to see a lumbering, speed-less and well, let's face it, nearly hitless Daniel Murphy in the lead off spot. A guy who is hitting .239 for the month. THAT is how desperate and hopeless this team is offensively.
And pitching-wise it barely merits discussion. Does it matter if your starter gives up only three runs over 7 innings? No, of course not. Because you're team is going to need two or three GAMES to outscore that weighty total, not nine innings, so you can forget about winning. Not even Frankie Boy, brought in just to see a little action, can find motivation in this game; walking three and giving up a run in the 9th.
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